Insomnia is so weird. It set the tone for my energy all day yesterday. When I awoke at 3:20 and discovered that my alarm was not just about to go off, rather I needed to sleep for two more hours…I knew I was up. That quality of wakefulness is unique and it’s like you know you’re in for it. I went downstairs to the couch and tried to catch a few more minutes of the deep peace, but Bear who is such a good boy came and nuzzled right at the foot of the couch and was so comforted by my being there in the den with him that he fell into a deep loud snoring doggie sleep. And I knew it was hopeless for me. So I gave in to it, got up and started my day. I sat for meditation, made coffee, and decided to redeem an Amazon birthday gift certificate I’ve been holding since May. It was the perfect time for my shopping spree. It seems the more choices there are the more time I need to make a decision on what I want.
Of course the three books I purchased were yoga books. One is a brand newly published modern history of yoga in America. One is a commentary of the Shiva Sutras by Swami Laksmanjoo which completes my library for the required book list for Anusara Certification, and the third a relatively new book that parallels the ancient art of Indian theatre acting and dance performance with 20th century acting technique. I can’t wait for my new treasures to arrive.
Last night one of the trainees asked me if I have ever just ‘had enough’ of yoga or have felt ‘over it’. I had to stop and think. I do think there have been times when I have been tired and frustrated or injured when practicing active asana just agitated me even further. But over these last 15 years yoga has become more than just the practice of the poses. It has become the Way that I live, not a thing or activity that I do. It has been a process of sustaining attention in the present moment. It has become living with intention. It has become patiently sitting with challenging situations and deciphering the most graceful course of action to proceed. It has become a slowing down to listen and be guided by the inner wisdom of my breath and heartbeat. So the more I ponder the question, “Have you ever felt just over it?”, the clearer it becomes that I have just begun the journey and that Yoga gives me the opportunity to embark on the the adventurous path, fresh everyday, moment by moment. Even in the glaring light of insomnia.